Bloom and Grow...

You may remember that the word I chose for 2007 was "grow". When I chose this word I was thinking in terms of growing to a new state, growing into a house, growing my business, growing into home owners...

Today I began an entirely different growth process... At 9am this morning I had what I hope will be my last ever cigarette... Yep, I am one of those few people still clinging on to the dirty habit. I've talked about quitting before but I haven't ever really taken a step towards making it happen. Yesterday we took some photos and I looked at myself with no make-up and no Photoshop touch ups and I was SO sad. I look MUCH older than my 28 years. My skin is saggy in places, I have broken veins starting to show, my hair and skin and nails are all dry and brittle. My teeth... ugh... I can't even bring myself to describe them...

Then last night we were watching some show on tv and I was looking at a woman who was apparently in her 30s. She looked about 50! Her skin had that same hang as mine is getting, her color was all off and she had those mouth wrinkles... While I was lying in bed I decided that since we already have the patches lying around (a gift to Peter from a hopeful friend) I decided to give them a try.

At 9am I had my last cigarette. While I would prefer not to have had that one, I absolutely had to calm the cravings from the night so that I could allow the patch time to kick in. I wasn't going to post anything on my blog about it for fear that I fail and look like an idiot but it occurred to me that what if I DO make it?? What if I make it and I didn't document it... Also, I think that knowing that I have made a public declaration I am making it more real.

Anyway... I am now 8 hours in. Which really is no real big deal seeing as how that is about a night's sleep and I never smoke when I am sleeping... but I am proud nonetheless... I really want to get over this... I am tired of standing outside in the cold, I am tired of planning my life around smoke-free zones, I am tired of smelling smoke in my house and being embarrassed when people come to visit and most of all I am going to be vain for once in my life!!

Wish me luck!!
xxx Ros